There are things I need to do...but I don't quite want to do them. I've been sort of bouncing off of people lately, letting them set the direction for me, and I need to come back to the center.
One of my first Storypeople encounters was with the story Center on Wheels:
I spent a long time trying to find my center until I looked closely one night & found it had wheels & moved easily in the slightest breeze, so now I spend less time sitting and more time sailing.I found it during a time where I really felt lost and like I was grasping and it's been hanging in my home since. I think it's a bit of an apt description of how I felt then and a bit how I feel now, though with age and experience, I am more self-aware and self-monitoring.
One of the most important qualities for me in a relationship is to be with someone who grounds me. Who takes that sailling center and gives it legs and roots.
However, I also must way to center myself when unmoored. There have been a lot of ways I've accomplished that over the years, yoga and exercise among the most predominant. I am a happier and better version of myself when I am active. The other is, of course, long running relaitonship with people I care about. The conversations, phone calls, meals shared, evenings on the couch, with people who've known me for years--or even those people who have known me only a short time but know me nonetheless--remind me, oh yes, this is who I am, this is where I come from.
It's a little harder for me to do this all right now given my lifestyle and the difficulty of establishing routines. It will be interesting to see what happens when I return to Boston and some semblance of stability--at least for a year, before I pick up and move on again.
This is not really the stuff of saturday morning happy, so I leave you with this: today I celebrate newspapers in print, sunny days, friends who ask the hard questions, and, hell, why not, puppies.
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