Wednesday, June 30, 2010
creeping
My best crushes sneak up on me. It's not instantaneous, and is often times in situations where I'm not quite sure what's going on at first or how I feel. But then you start thinking of the person and maybe their eyebrow that twitches at just the right velocity or the smile that creeps at the corner of the mouth. And suddenly, that gesture means something. It shifts from an analytic view to something else--to affection. I love that change.
ballin'
this evening emerged strangely: hip hop class (an hour of a missy elliot routine), trader joe's stock up (healthy snacks!), a glass of wine in the lobby bar in work out clothes (so weird in the Hollywood scene of plastic boobs and high high heels), and now back in my glittery room to blog, wine, and do pilates. a strange combination, but it's working for me.
what's not working for me: i can hear all the music in the bar below. untz untz untz. i don't want that unless i'm shaking my booty to it. and clearly blog-wine-pilates are not booty-shakin' activities. switching rooms tomorrow.
what's not working for me: i can hear all the music in the bar below. untz untz untz. i don't want that unless i'm shaking my booty to it. and clearly blog-wine-pilates are not booty-shakin' activities. switching rooms tomorrow.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
saturday morning happy
Good conversation, super-sized Jenga, irreverence, and a strategy last night; catching up with friends, long morning in bed, museum, park, good food with J today. Missed tennis this morning but I think it was worth it.
The first week on the job is over: more relaxed than expected with more laughing. Total nerds, but I've always loved the nerds.
The gentleman I was with last night was introduced to me by a friend as proof that not everyone at work is a robot. He, of course, has now left the company, leaving me with the frigid robots (I jest, in part).
He told me that I'm never going to fit in (we always like to hear this--that we are unique, special--oh, the human ego) and that a general rule about my colleagues is that they are insecure overachievers. Therefore, anyone who is confident, independent, and can go about stuff with a little bit of fun is a complete anomaly and either looked at like a god or shunned. Well.
With that said, having this company on my resume is valuable so it's worth sticking it out for a year or so if I can make it work for me and do exactly what I want: don't think about upward mobility, just about getting out of it what I want. Then I can go back to Lincoln Center or wherever it is I want to be.
It's amazing to me how few people I work with seem to know what they want to do. They keep talking about "when I grow up" (in jest, but only partly) and are rather undirected even with their own development. Be invested in yourself people! At the same time, the firm really does pride itself on mentorship and helping to develop people; I see how that is put in practice and I respect that. I just think the way I want to develop may be outside the scope of the way the firm would like me to develop. We will see...
The first week on the job is over: more relaxed than expected with more laughing. Total nerds, but I've always loved the nerds.
The gentleman I was with last night was introduced to me by a friend as proof that not everyone at work is a robot. He, of course, has now left the company, leaving me with the frigid robots (I jest, in part).
He told me that I'm never going to fit in (we always like to hear this--that we are unique, special--oh, the human ego) and that a general rule about my colleagues is that they are insecure overachievers. Therefore, anyone who is confident, independent, and can go about stuff with a little bit of fun is a complete anomaly and either looked at like a god or shunned. Well.
With that said, having this company on my resume is valuable so it's worth sticking it out for a year or so if I can make it work for me and do exactly what I want: don't think about upward mobility, just about getting out of it what I want. Then I can go back to Lincoln Center or wherever it is I want to be.
It's amazing to me how few people I work with seem to know what they want to do. They keep talking about "when I grow up" (in jest, but only partly) and are rather undirected even with their own development. Be invested in yourself people! At the same time, the firm really does pride itself on mentorship and helping to develop people; I see how that is put in practice and I respect that. I just think the way I want to develop may be outside the scope of the way the firm would like me to develop. We will see...
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
20 (+1) things to remember now
I love love love this post by Maggie Mason of Mighty Girl. Especially poignant as this week I entered the last 6 months of my 20s. I'm excited.
It took me pretty much the whole past decade to learn some of the below but I'm coming into the next one all cylinders firing--content in myself and ready to find and go after all those things that make me happy, take risks and appreciate all I've been blessed with.
The only one I'd add is this (and this comes on the tail of some serious love-fests with my loved ones in recent days):
21. Hold on to people who inspire you and nurture your soul and let them know they matter. You can never have too many good friends or loved ones. And you can never tell them enough how much they matter.
These are Maggie's list of "20 Things I Wish I'd Known When I Was 20" but let's keep reminding ourselves of them everyday. Cause, man, I know I still look good. :)
20 Things I Wish I'd Known When I Was 20:
1. Consider the source. If you’re worried about someone who dislikes you, first ask yourself whether they’re an asshole. If you don’t like them, and they don’t like you, that’s not a problem. That’s a mutual understanding.
2. Get off the couch. If you find yourself playing hard to get, don’t pretend to be busy. Just be busy.
3. Don’t waste your time. If you have to play hard to get, move on. You’ll know when you’ve found a healthy relationship because it won’t confuse you.
4. When in doubt, shut up. Silence is a smart negotiation tactic, the best option when you’re processing how to respond, and always more productive than lying about what you’re thinking.
5. Don’t complain. Maybe venting makes you feel better, but letting off steam can also lull you into maintaining the status quo. Unfortunately, the status quo is pissing you off, which is why you’re whining in the first place. If you’re frustrated, turn that energy toward fixing your problems, not bitching about them.
6. Don’t obsess. Worrying is complaint’s ugly cousin. Either use that energy to change your situation, or relax.
7. Find an age-appropriate style. No one wants to see a 20 year old in beige slacks and a wool blazer. Buy trendy clothes, wear the slutty dress, do something ugly with your hair. Be part of your generation, so you can laugh at the photos later.
8. Be polite. It keeps doors open, lessens the potential for misunderstandings, and increases the odds of getting invited back to the beach house.
9. But defend your boundaries. When someone isn’t taking no for an answer, clarify what you want, and then respond forcefully. Being polite to someone who isn’t hearing you is naive.
10. You look good. There’s no such thing as the hottest person in the room. Everyone is attracted to something different, so just take those odds and run with them.
11. Being nice is overrated. In fact, “nice” is the least interesting thing someone can say about you.
12. Keep it to yourself. “She seems nice” is an excellent thing to say about someone you don’t like. Particularly in the company of people you don’t know.
13. Know your audience. When you’re telling a story and someone interrupts you, let them.
14. Let your passion shape your profession. You know that thing your dad says? “If work wasn’t hard, they wouldn’t pay you to do it.” Please. There are professional rock stars, astronauts, puppy trainers, and bloggers.
15. Sex is personal. Don’t bother with one-night stands if they’re not your thing, and don’t judge people for enjoying them (or not). Waiting to sleep with someone doesn’t make you an uptight prude, and jumping into bed doesn’t make you a spontaneous adventure seeker.
16. Focus. The saying, “what you’re thinking about is what you’re becoming” isn’t just chilling, it’s a universal law. Be aware of how you’re investing your attention – including your words, and your actions.
17. Cut yourself a break. Don’t offer a running commentary on your own faults. When you do, the people around you listen. Give yourself space to change your character.
18. Don’t be intimidated. World travelers are just people who bought plane tickets. Pulitzer Prize winners are people who sit alone and write. You can break the most profound accomplishment down to a series of mundane tasks.
19. Choose good company. Ask yourself if a person makes you better or drains your life force. If the answer is B, you’re busy next time they call. And the time after that.
20. Enjoy your body. Odds are you’re more beautiful now than you will be again. Ask your roommate.
It took me pretty much the whole past decade to learn some of the below but I'm coming into the next one all cylinders firing--content in myself and ready to find and go after all those things that make me happy, take risks and appreciate all I've been blessed with.
The only one I'd add is this (and this comes on the tail of some serious love-fests with my loved ones in recent days):
21. Hold on to people who inspire you and nurture your soul and let them know they matter. You can never have too many good friends or loved ones. And you can never tell them enough how much they matter.
These are Maggie's list of "20 Things I Wish I'd Known When I Was 20" but let's keep reminding ourselves of them everyday. Cause, man, I know I still look good. :)
20 Things I Wish I'd Known When I Was 20:
1. Consider the source. If you’re worried about someone who dislikes you, first ask yourself whether they’re an asshole. If you don’t like them, and they don’t like you, that’s not a problem. That’s a mutual understanding.
2. Get off the couch. If you find yourself playing hard to get, don’t pretend to be busy. Just be busy.
3. Don’t waste your time. If you have to play hard to get, move on. You’ll know when you’ve found a healthy relationship because it won’t confuse you.
4. When in doubt, shut up. Silence is a smart negotiation tactic, the best option when you’re processing how to respond, and always more productive than lying about what you’re thinking.
5. Don’t complain. Maybe venting makes you feel better, but letting off steam can also lull you into maintaining the status quo. Unfortunately, the status quo is pissing you off, which is why you’re whining in the first place. If you’re frustrated, turn that energy toward fixing your problems, not bitching about them.
6. Don’t obsess. Worrying is complaint’s ugly cousin. Either use that energy to change your situation, or relax.
7. Find an age-appropriate style. No one wants to see a 20 year old in beige slacks and a wool blazer. Buy trendy clothes, wear the slutty dress, do something ugly with your hair. Be part of your generation, so you can laugh at the photos later.
8. Be polite. It keeps doors open, lessens the potential for misunderstandings, and increases the odds of getting invited back to the beach house.
9. But defend your boundaries. When someone isn’t taking no for an answer, clarify what you want, and then respond forcefully. Being polite to someone who isn’t hearing you is naive.
10. You look good. There’s no such thing as the hottest person in the room. Everyone is attracted to something different, so just take those odds and run with them.
11. Being nice is overrated. In fact, “nice” is the least interesting thing someone can say about you.
12. Keep it to yourself. “She seems nice” is an excellent thing to say about someone you don’t like. Particularly in the company of people you don’t know.
13. Know your audience. When you’re telling a story and someone interrupts you, let them.
14. Let your passion shape your profession. You know that thing your dad says? “If work wasn’t hard, they wouldn’t pay you to do it.” Please. There are professional rock stars, astronauts, puppy trainers, and bloggers.
15. Sex is personal. Don’t bother with one-night stands if they’re not your thing, and don’t judge people for enjoying them (or not). Waiting to sleep with someone doesn’t make you an uptight prude, and jumping into bed doesn’t make you a spontaneous adventure seeker.
16. Focus. The saying, “what you’re thinking about is what you’re becoming” isn’t just chilling, it’s a universal law. Be aware of how you’re investing your attention – including your words, and your actions.
17. Cut yourself a break. Don’t offer a running commentary on your own faults. When you do, the people around you listen. Give yourself space to change your character.
18. Don’t be intimidated. World travelers are just people who bought plane tickets. Pulitzer Prize winners are people who sit alone and write. You can break the most profound accomplishment down to a series of mundane tasks.
19. Choose good company. Ask yourself if a person makes you better or drains your life force. If the answer is B, you’re busy next time they call. And the time after that.
20. Enjoy your body. Odds are you’re more beautiful now than you will be again. Ask your roommate.
leo castelli's tranformation to casanova
Leo Castelli is one of the great gallerists of all time. He more or less created the shift toward American masters in the 1960s and his stable included such greats as Johns, Rauschenberg, Rucha, Nauman, Judd, Flavin, etc. What Vollard was to French Impressionsim and Post-Impressionism, Castelli was to American Modernism and Post-Modernism. Maybe even more influential.
I was reading a profile of Castelli in The New Yorker last night and was struck by two things:
1) The description of the gallerist as someone who embodied Continental glamour but embraced American openness fully. I love that.
2) Castelli had no luck with the ladies until a single session with a psychoanalyst who challenged him to "consider the girl's point of view." He was a Casanova thereafter. So small a shift--such profound results.
I was reading a profile of Castelli in The New Yorker last night and was struck by two things:
1) The description of the gallerist as someone who embodied Continental glamour but embraced American openness fully. I love that.
2) Castelli had no luck with the ladies until a single session with a psychoanalyst who challenged him to "consider the girl's point of view." He was a Casanova thereafter. So small a shift--such profound results.
a framework for thinking about your priorities
If you died today, who would (daily) miss you most?
- your colleagues
- your friends
- your family
Are you living according to your priorities?
via my colleague who checks in with his family while on the road every few hours and accepts every call from his wife
- your colleagues
- your friends
- your family
Are you living according to your priorities?
via my colleague who checks in with his family while on the road every few hours and accepts every call from his wife
what i want
Now, on the heels of that creepy post about my unidentified TBD future lover...
On my date/non-date the other night, I asked my dinner partner, what did he want in life (I know, light questions for a first evening--WAY TO GO, R). I sort of saved face by admitting I'm not sure I know what I want either, but then, you know what? I started thinking about it and I do know:
1) A career that challenges me, but most importantly, that I believe in and am inspired by. An opportunity to lead, influence, inspire others, and make a positive impact in this world.
2) A web of people who support me and inspire me personally and professionally, but that most importantly make me laugh, yelp, dance, and let loose.
3) A true partnership with a spouse in which we both are better (or mostly better) people from being around one another. A partnership where I feel completely safe so that I can continue to take risks (and be inspired to do so) and push myself and those around me to exceed my own expectations and boundaries.
4) The means to give back and to create a life of purpose and richness of character and to be able to afford to offer my children the opportunities I had (travel, living abroad, good schools, a lovely home).
This may be too much to ask, but it's good to have goals.
Maybe that's just what we all want...
On my date/non-date the other night, I asked my dinner partner, what did he want in life (I know, light questions for a first evening--WAY TO GO, R). I sort of saved face by admitting I'm not sure I know what I want either, but then, you know what? I started thinking about it and I do know:
1) A career that challenges me, but most importantly, that I believe in and am inspired by. An opportunity to lead, influence, inspire others, and make a positive impact in this world.
2) A web of people who support me and inspire me personally and professionally, but that most importantly make me laugh, yelp, dance, and let loose.
3) A true partnership with a spouse in which we both are better (or mostly better) people from being around one another. A partnership where I feel completely safe so that I can continue to take risks (and be inspired to do so) and push myself and those around me to exceed my own expectations and boundaries.
4) The means to give back and to create a life of purpose and richness of character and to be able to afford to offer my children the opportunities I had (travel, living abroad, good schools, a lovely home).
This may be too much to ask, but it's good to have goals.
Maybe that's just what we all want...
reasons i'm writing, part 2
I realized after I wrote the initial post one other reason I'm writing: as a letter to the person I fall in love with in the future.
One of the hardest things for me to give up about my past relationship was our shared past. We started dating when I was 23 and I lived some of my most tortured years while we were together (some may well argue that some of that torture was the result of that relationship but that's a topic for another day). In essence, I became an adult and made some pretty serious life changes with him. We had this shared history that stretched even before our relationship and a web of friends and acquaintances and experiences that mattered to both of us.
[Sidenote: Now, some may say, opening a letter to one's future love with a stanza about one's ex is really truly bad form, but hey, this is still my story, for my eyes, right now.]
There will be new growth, change, shared experience, but not that early fumbling.
I want to record some of myself as it happens. I have this tendency to synthesize, to extrapolate, to try to go for the big picture and patterns, but I want to also remember the details of how I got there.
Actually, I think maybe this post is kind of creepy. Sorry man I may fall in love with in the future. Maybe this is a thought I should have kept to myself. Or just among girlfriends. In fact, maybe this blog is only for girlfriends. Beautiful crazy. Hee!
One of the hardest things for me to give up about my past relationship was our shared past. We started dating when I was 23 and I lived some of my most tortured years while we were together (some may well argue that some of that torture was the result of that relationship but that's a topic for another day). In essence, I became an adult and made some pretty serious life changes with him. We had this shared history that stretched even before our relationship and a web of friends and acquaintances and experiences that mattered to both of us.
[Sidenote: Now, some may say, opening a letter to one's future love with a stanza about one's ex is really truly bad form, but hey, this is still my story, for my eyes, right now.]
There will be new growth, change, shared experience, but not that early fumbling.
I want to record some of myself as it happens. I have this tendency to synthesize, to extrapolate, to try to go for the big picture and patterns, but I want to also remember the details of how I got there.
Actually, I think maybe this post is kind of creepy. Sorry man I may fall in love with in the future. Maybe this is a thought I should have kept to myself. Or just among girlfriends. In fact, maybe this blog is only for girlfriends. Beautiful crazy. Hee!
editing yourself
do you know how hard it is not to edit yourself? particularly when you know someone is (or may be) reading?
(edit retroactively, that is; proactive editing is probably a good thing...like the whole think before you talk thing...something i'm working on)
UPDATE: and the retroactive editing began the minute the world could see. be swift, phantom fingers. an extrovert's process: act, reflect, act again.
(edit retroactively, that is; proactive editing is probably a good thing...like the whole think before you talk thing...something i'm working on)
UPDATE: and the retroactive editing began the minute the world could see. be swift, phantom fingers. an extrovert's process: act, reflect, act again.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
lessons from 2010
- take risks (put yourself out there, be transparent, be open to new opportunities, people, experiences)
- prepare for the worst
- hope for the best
you'll be fine.
- prepare for the worst
- hope for the best
you'll be fine.
korean barbecue
Korean barbecue is delicious. I had a literal feast last night on my first day in LA and just about rolled myself back to my hotel room, which I found to be quite disco fabulous.
LA is such an interesting mix of grit and glamour and I love driving around it: the terrible strip malls, the huge houses, the homeless on the streets of Hollywood, the valley girls, the hipsters. Here's my LA experience so far: marine layer, Prius, RegBevWil, suits, Korean BBQ, awesome waiters, laughs, mango, Hollywooooooood, glitz, hipsters, teenagers (sometimes hipster teenagers), chaise lounge, sleep (not enough), sweat, suits, friends. In that order. What else does this trip have in store after all that? I think tomorrow the real work starts.
Last night's meal was almost as good as the palace food in Seoul I had a couple years ago (pictured above--remember Jane?!), but not quite. Never visit Seoul without a local. Honestly that is a difficult town. I had been a total DIY traveler before and this year learned learned the awesomeness of being guided by a local. Though it takes away some of the joy of self discovery (and that is quite a significant loss), the things you experience and share more than make up for it. Though not the point of this post, a significant learning: let others help you.
even before the era of mad men
Some real finds: 1950s London poster ads. Amazing. I love this type of graphical treatment. I LOVE that elephant.
You know what else I love? People sending you things because they make them think of you. That is really nice.
via Blake via Readymade
Monday, June 21, 2010
and so it begins (the work version)
the docs are in. the reading has commenced.
it's all business form here on out, folks.
it's all business form here on out, folks.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
the birth of writing
Lying in bed this morning, having woken up at 7am, I wondered why the need to write so much? I've never been a journaler (old attempts always failed after a few entries and when looking back at those entries it's embarrassing the scope of my concerns--boys).
I am alone in this city, alone in this new job. It's unusual for me. For my entire life, I have been in the company of my supporters, my loved ones, my circle, or at least some small part of it. I know people in this city--have plans (a date? unclear) tonight--but no one to share the details of life with. The ex is thankfully (and finally finally finally for me and all others who care about me) off the radar (though ironically, or maybe not so, soon in this city).
In the past year, it was a lot of rush rush rush, noise noise noise. Then the past few weeks were a mix of excitement and anxiety. And now the calm as it begins.
There's a lot of stuff to work out, to work on, to push forward with, and I need somewhere to share the details of my life--notice and record. As it has always been for me--it is better when shared, and as we get older, friends and families play those roles to a lessening degree and mostly based on proximity (at least for the little details). The age old question: if a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, will anyone hear it? I create my own ears here.
I am alone in this city, alone in this new job. It's unusual for me. For my entire life, I have been in the company of my supporters, my loved ones, my circle, or at least some small part of it. I know people in this city--have plans (a date? unclear) tonight--but no one to share the details of life with. The ex is thankfully (and finally finally finally for me and all others who care about me) off the radar (though ironically, or maybe not so, soon in this city).
In the past year, it was a lot of rush rush rush, noise noise noise. Then the past few weeks were a mix of excitement and anxiety. And now the calm as it begins.
There's a lot of stuff to work out, to work on, to push forward with, and I need somewhere to share the details of my life--notice and record. As it has always been for me--it is better when shared, and as we get older, friends and families play those roles to a lessening degree and mostly based on proximity (at least for the little details). The age old question: if a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, will anyone hear it? I create my own ears here.
me and oprah
The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator is a big part of the new job I just started. Everyone is expected to know their MBTI and it's part of "team norming" at the beginning of each study.
If I join full time, I'll be administered a much fuller version (apparently you have to go through a certified professional), but I took an online free test last night (technically it's a "type indicator" not a "test"; the difference being that it is supposed to reveal behavioral/personality preferences, not innate hard-coded traits). The test is developed based on Jung's typologies and classifies people into 16 different types with unique ways of seeing and responding to the world.
I had read about the types and maybe taken the same test a few years ago and was pretty sure I knew what my type was. Clearly, an extrovert (E), likely intuitive (N), probably about 40-60 thinking to feeling, and definitely a perceiver (P) as opposed to a judger (J).
Lo and behold, how wrong we are.
Taken not once but twice, behold: ENFJ
Strong E, very strong N, fairly strong F, moderate J, but a J unmistakably.
UPDATE: When I relay the news to Magali, she immediately sees it: Duh, she says, you've owed a Filofax since you were 15.
If I join full time, I'll be administered a much fuller version (apparently you have to go through a certified professional), but I took an online free test last night (technically it's a "type indicator" not a "test"; the difference being that it is supposed to reveal behavioral/personality preferences, not innate hard-coded traits). The test is developed based on Jung's typologies and classifies people into 16 different types with unique ways of seeing and responding to the world.
I had read about the types and maybe taken the same test a few years ago and was pretty sure I knew what my type was. Clearly, an extrovert (E), likely intuitive (N), probably about 40-60 thinking to feeling, and definitely a perceiver (P) as opposed to a judger (J).
Lo and behold, how wrong we are.
Taken not once but twice, behold: ENFJ
Strong E, very strong N, fairly strong F, moderate J, but a J unmistakably.
UPDATE: When I relay the news to Magali, she immediately sees it: Duh, she says, you've owed a Filofax since you were 15.
saturday morning happiness
ok go -- end love
I enjoyed the previous videos with the Rube-Goldberg machines, but this is really special. It's like 80s music video effects meet hipster hoodies meets the carebears or something. I have no idea. I somehow couldn't stop thinking of Captain Planet at the end (the colors, the parks, the spinning?). Very nice.
Love the man hug and the warm ups in the beginning.
I enjoyed the previous videos with the Rube-Goldberg machines, but this is really special. It's like 80s music video effects meet hipster hoodies meets the carebears or something. I have no idea. I somehow couldn't stop thinking of Captain Planet at the end (the colors, the parks, the spinning?). Very nice.
Love the man hug and the warm ups in the beginning.
on finishing books
I used to insist on finishing every book I started. That stopped a few years ago when I realized that some just weren't worth finishing (thank you Ayn Rand for proving that point). Spend your time on things that inspire...not on what you have to.
I just finished Junot Diaz's The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and the last chapters struck deep. The whole book has beauty and humor and life.
I used to love and hate finishing books I loved--there is a sense of satisfaction, but there is also already a sense of longing and wanting to stretch time as you reach the last pages. The rich fictional internal life you were living comes to close...
The end of Oscar's story was especially poignant. Oscar's whole life--in love with love, maddened to lose his blasted virginity. But in the end it is not the act itself, but the "intimacies that he'd never in is whole life anticipated." Combiner her hair, the way she'd put her face in his neck, walking naked to the bathroom. "So this is what everybody's always talking about! Diablo! If only I'd known. The beauty! The beauty!"
He'd had to wait for that his whole life--but his lover suggests maybe we need a better term than wait--maybe it's just life (thank you Junot Diaz for that).
I recall my history, and I recall the yearn for those intimacies, particularly after having and then losing, and maybe some bad decisions made along the way in the search, in the life. Indeed, the beauty, the beauty.
I just finished Junot Diaz's The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and the last chapters struck deep. The whole book has beauty and humor and life.
I used to love and hate finishing books I loved--there is a sense of satisfaction, but there is also already a sense of longing and wanting to stretch time as you reach the last pages. The rich fictional internal life you were living comes to close...
The end of Oscar's story was especially poignant. Oscar's whole life--in love with love, maddened to lose his blasted virginity. But in the end it is not the act itself, but the "intimacies that he'd never in is whole life anticipated." Combiner her hair, the way she'd put her face in his neck, walking naked to the bathroom. "So this is what everybody's always talking about! Diablo! If only I'd known. The beauty! The beauty!"
He'd had to wait for that his whole life--but his lover suggests maybe we need a better term than wait--maybe it's just life (thank you Junot Diaz for that).
I recall my history, and I recall the yearn for those intimacies, particularly after having and then losing, and maybe some bad decisions made along the way in the search, in the life. Indeed, the beauty, the beauty.
Friday, June 18, 2010
the world has different plans
I just felt like I was getting all my proverbial ducks in a row--figuring out what it is I want--and then the universe sends me to LA.
Really?
Let's see how this will turn out...
More on creativity, dress codes, 20 things I wish I knew when I was 20, and amazing architecture (and alliteration) later.
Really?
Let's see how this will turn out...
More on creativity, dress codes, 20 things I wish I knew when I was 20, and amazing architecture (and alliteration) later.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
falling is like this
I don't quite know why I chose this name for this journal, this collection of thoughts. I refuse to yet call it a blog because I'm not even quite sure I'll ever share it with anyone.
It's the title of a favorite old song that has something to do with falling in love. I'm not falling in love, but maybe I am falling toward a life I want. There has been a lot of change...but more on that later.
I am trying to figure out how to create a life of meaning and of purpose. Of achievement and truly giving back after I have been so blessed. I turned away from the arts for a long time after years of disappointment and disillusionment. A recent encounter, however, and a 180-degree career change maybe makes me think I can't live without them though. What's a girl to do?
I'm ashamed that I recently called myself uncreative. Making is not the only form of creativity, and I know that I bring it creativity in perspective, problem-solving, and idea-generation to many areas of my life. I do love the makers, though; I love to be around those who are inspired to create in that way (though there is a special ring of hell for some artists). I suppose, ultimately, it's that I love to be around those that are inspired.
So where does this leave me? Where and how do I meld business and the creative industries? How can beauty--and moreover, offering others beauty and meaning--be part of my life? That is a purpose-filled life for me. Now I just have to learn how to make it myself.
It's the title of a favorite old song that has something to do with falling in love. I'm not falling in love, but maybe I am falling toward a life I want. There has been a lot of change...but more on that later.
I am trying to figure out how to create a life of meaning and of purpose. Of achievement and truly giving back after I have been so blessed. I turned away from the arts for a long time after years of disappointment and disillusionment. A recent encounter, however, and a 180-degree career change maybe makes me think I can't live without them though. What's a girl to do?
I'm ashamed that I recently called myself uncreative. Making is not the only form of creativity, and I know that I bring it creativity in perspective, problem-solving, and idea-generation to many areas of my life. I do love the makers, though; I love to be around those who are inspired to create in that way (though there is a special ring of hell for some artists). I suppose, ultimately, it's that I love to be around those that are inspired.
So where does this leave me? Where and how do I meld business and the creative industries? How can beauty--and moreover, offering others beauty and meaning--be part of my life? That is a purpose-filled life for me. Now I just have to learn how to make it myself.
voyeurism
Does it make me a voyeur, or a willing object of the voyeur (and the gaze), that I get a special thrill walking around in various states of undress in my new plate-glass window apartment, knowing that someone across the street may just see it all (or equally thrilling, may not?)?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
personal strengths and creating meaning
I'm working through these posts as I'm working through this book on women's leadership. I usually don't get into self-help books (though this is less one about self-help than about the breadth of women's leadership), but this one has resonated, and not at all because it's commissioned and organized by my current employer.
The latest chapter was about recognizing my own strengths.
Too often as women we focus on development and not our strengths.
The common strengths listed (organized in buckets and only for brainstorming purposes):
The latest chapter was about recognizing my own strengths.
Too often as women we focus on development and not our strengths.
The common strengths listed (organized in buckets and only for brainstorming purposes):
- Wisdom: curiosity, love of learning, judgment, ingenuity, emotional intelligence, perspective
- Courage: valor, perseverance, and integrity
- Humanity: kindness and loving
- Justice: citizenship, fairness, and leadership
- Temperance: self-control, prudence, and humility
- Transcendence: appreciate of beauty and excellence, gratitude, hope, spirituality, forgiveness, humor, and zest.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Inspirations
This journal is inspired by two things:
1) This TEDTalk by Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling Upon Happiness:
Let's try to quit getting ourselves in the way...
2) The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron, read about in a book about women's leadership. One of Cameron's basic ideas is that each morning, writing about your ideas, dreams, thoughts, etc., will unlock your creativity.
I am in the middle of some serious transitions and new choices--in life, work, love--and I want to make sure I am making those choices well and creating a life that is meaningful and thoughtful. Writings here will build toward this. Not exactly sure how yet...but it'll happen.
1) This TEDTalk by Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling Upon Happiness:
Let's try to quit getting ourselves in the way...
2) The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron, read about in a book about women's leadership. One of Cameron's basic ideas is that each morning, writing about your ideas, dreams, thoughts, etc., will unlock your creativity.
I am in the middle of some serious transitions and new choices--in life, work, love--and I want to make sure I am making those choices well and creating a life that is meaningful and thoughtful. Writings here will build toward this. Not exactly sure how yet...but it'll happen.
And so it begins
I've been inspired to think about happiness recently--how it's created and how I can ensure and insure it. This is my beginning of daily ruminations about life, love, and the pursuit--and capture--of happiness.
This is a personal record of my own process, in the midst of major life transitions, of finding, unlocking, and sustaining what makes me happy, after a lifetime blessed by more joy already than maybe one person should be allotted.
This is a personal record of my own process, in the midst of major life transitions, of finding, unlocking, and sustaining what makes me happy, after a lifetime blessed by more joy already than maybe one person should be allotted.
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