feels like fall!
I know it's only an anomaly and it'll soon be hot again, but there's something in the air that feels like fall, significantly helped by back to school commercials.
I love this time of year. So much opportunity...I'm not sure I'll ever get that school mindset out of my brain.
Yippee for sweaters, coats, crisp fall air, apple cider, fall foliage, the smell of new...
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
been so busy
Work, drinks with colleagues, Frank Lloyd Wright houses, evenings in Millennium Park--been so busy hardly time to introspect. It has been lovely. Somehow things always come together at the end: finally exploring some of Chicago's greatness, almost starting to feel somewhat competent at work (though I still wake up in a panic at times, where's the blackberry), and I'm definitely liking the people at work better. You find your people anywhere eventually. :)
Saturday in Oak Park--Frank Lloyd Write the megalomaniac genius--though the other Frank--Gerry--trumped him (a momentary trump is all my friends) in the evening, under the stars, fireworks over the water echoing off the Michigan Avenue buildings, the Pritzker Pavilion lattice bringing the sky down. It was like this:
But better. Those crossbars have the most amazing effect of creating intimacy. There was no show Saturday, just picnickers with blankets, wine bottles, teenagers with frisbees, and security guards on Segways.
Walked by the Bean as the park was closing--ours was the only reflection. So lovely.
Missed saturday morning happy (again!) but here's to shared breakfasts, getting out and doing things, design details, and bubbles.
Saturday in Oak Park--Frank Lloyd Write the megalomaniac genius--though the other Frank--Gerry--trumped him (a momentary trump is all my friends) in the evening, under the stars, fireworks over the water echoing off the Michigan Avenue buildings, the Pritzker Pavilion lattice bringing the sky down. It was like this:
But better. Those crossbars have the most amazing effect of creating intimacy. There was no show Saturday, just picnickers with blankets, wine bottles, teenagers with frisbees, and security guards on Segways.
Walked by the Bean as the park was closing--ours was the only reflection. So lovely.
Missed saturday morning happy (again!) but here's to shared breakfasts, getting out and doing things, design details, and bubbles.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
being alone, part 3792
I have written so much about being alone this summer, can you believe there is even more to say? But lo behold, there is!
Being on a new study and in Chicago three weekends in a row gives probably the best idea of how this job would actually feel.
I get my buoyancy by interacting with people I love. Spending too much time alone lends to over-introspection, which leads to heaviness, seriousness, etc. This also leads to less focus, less efficiency. Which then makes me even heavier and less productive!
Plus then your weekends are filled with errands and trying in vain to somehow make it feel like you're a part of the city where your apartment is.
Being on a new study and in Chicago three weekends in a row gives probably the best idea of how this job would actually feel.
I get my buoyancy by interacting with people I love. Spending too much time alone lends to over-introspection, which leads to heaviness, seriousness, etc. This also leads to less focus, less efficiency. Which then makes me even heavier and less productive!
Plus then your weekends are filled with errands and trying in vain to somehow make it feel like you're a part of the city where your apartment is.
things to celebrate this morning
overhead rain showers (thank you Marriott), separate showers and bathtubs (the ultimate in luxury, in my humble opinion), those new fangled razors that do not slice up your legs (honestly, single blade, you are my enemy and soooo dangerous), Bonterra Chardonnay (don't be Chardonnay haters, this is organic and delicious), Thursdays in general.
UPDATE: also, California's ability to perfectly air condition places! (which, I guess is really a way to NOT celebrate the east's tendency to over-air condition every single building. br. I'm cold); also, Lily Allen, I am into her right now.
UPDATE: also, California's ability to perfectly air condition places! (which, I guess is really a way to NOT celebrate the east's tendency to over-air condition every single building. br. I'm cold); also, Lily Allen, I am into her right now.
inspiration
I'm really grateful to have the opportunity to work on a second project this summer. My life in LA was not exactly typical for a whole variety of reasons.
I'm also glad to be able to work in the industry I thought I'd like most--CPG/Retail.
Realization of the week #2: yeah, not so interested in this either.
In fact, I almost feel less good about this than I did about my previous job. CPG and Retail companies are generally just trying to get you to buy more crap. I tell you, we don't really need more crap. Sure, working for an inspirational company who is changing an industry might be amazing, but even those companies and brands people are passionate about--Nike, Avon, Target, etc.--are still selling stuff that generally people don't need!
Let's be clear. I like buying that stuff. We all know how I feel about clothes. And we can extend that to other awesome products, but it's not what I want to devote my life to, or what I want to build in this world. Increasing a company's profitability, regardless of its products, just does not inspire me. Talk about up-sell, cross-sell, etc., just depresses me.*
It's the same feeling I had at the beginning of my last study and I hope it doesn't go away ever, even if I choose to stay on for a few years in this position. I'm a little sad because I thought I'd be interested in this industry, but knowing is better than not knowing. Furthermore, it clarifies that I probably won't be interested in recruiting for any big CPG/Retail company so it seems it really is between this job and going back to the creative industries.
I want to work in a job, creating things, that inspires me and offers inspiration to others. Though this is generally an unfashionable position to hold these days (be damned postmodernism), this quotation from Thomas Hoving, the former director the Metropolitan Museum of Art, is sort of how I feel about it:
* I wonder if a "useful" industry would feel better, but I have no real inherent interest in energy, finance (there are some useful parts), etc. Of course, there are useful parts of all industries and I understand why people would be interested in many things. I just am inspired by something else.
I'm also glad to be able to work in the industry I thought I'd like most--CPG/Retail.
Realization of the week #2: yeah, not so interested in this either.
In fact, I almost feel less good about this than I did about my previous job. CPG and Retail companies are generally just trying to get you to buy more crap. I tell you, we don't really need more crap. Sure, working for an inspirational company who is changing an industry might be amazing, but even those companies and brands people are passionate about--Nike, Avon, Target, etc.--are still selling stuff that generally people don't need!
Let's be clear. I like buying that stuff. We all know how I feel about clothes. And we can extend that to other awesome products, but it's not what I want to devote my life to, or what I want to build in this world. Increasing a company's profitability, regardless of its products, just does not inspire me. Talk about up-sell, cross-sell, etc., just depresses me.*
It's the same feeling I had at the beginning of my last study and I hope it doesn't go away ever, even if I choose to stay on for a few years in this position. I'm a little sad because I thought I'd be interested in this industry, but knowing is better than not knowing. Furthermore, it clarifies that I probably won't be interested in recruiting for any big CPG/Retail company so it seems it really is between this job and going back to the creative industries.
I want to work in a job, creating things, that inspires me and offers inspiration to others. Though this is generally an unfashionable position to hold these days (be damned postmodernism), this quotation from Thomas Hoving, the former director the Metropolitan Museum of Art, is sort of how I feel about it:
I tend to look upon works of art partly spiritual and mysterious and partly human and fragile. Their lofty nature helps me break free from the mundane. They provide a defense from all the cultural trash that threatens to inundate me. They keep me in balance. I need great works of art for the uplift of the soul. Their exalted character clears my brain. I harbor the secret hope that some of the genius they possess for eternity will rub off on me. Their all-too-human characteristics teach me something about humility. They enable me to fall in love with Mandingo.
* I wonder if a "useful" industry would feel better, but I have no real inherent interest in energy, finance (there are some useful parts), etc. Of course, there are useful parts of all industries and I understand why people would be interested in many things. I just am inspired by something else.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
know thyself: fail, part 2
I have been going around all summer talking about how my former industry--the arts--was woman-heavy and I was therefore most comfortable working with and being around women.
That is a pure load baloney. In fact, the people I worked with daily over three years were men, with the exception of my boss and the directors above her.
On my new study, I'm working primarily with women and I remember some of the difficulties I've had in the past in all female environments. Even if it's not, it feels more competitive. Often times the competition isn't even about work, but just who has the bigger voice. These are generally contests I either like to explicitly dominate or not engage in. In addition, the project manager is maternal in a way that almost makes me uncomfortable. Of course, we all really work with individuals, not genders, but women working with women notoriously have a certain built in tension. Also, interesting to note the stories I invent about myself, some of which are just SO wrong (remember the P vs. J debate?). Why do I do that?
So, I revise my position: I think I prefer to work with men, but have inspirational women leaders. I'm still a little scared of senior men in suits and shiny shoes.
That is a pure load baloney. In fact, the people I worked with daily over three years were men, with the exception of my boss and the directors above her.
On my new study, I'm working primarily with women and I remember some of the difficulties I've had in the past in all female environments. Even if it's not, it feels more competitive. Often times the competition isn't even about work, but just who has the bigger voice. These are generally contests I either like to explicitly dominate or not engage in. In addition, the project manager is maternal in a way that almost makes me uncomfortable. Of course, we all really work with individuals, not genders, but women working with women notoriously have a certain built in tension. Also, interesting to note the stories I invent about myself, some of which are just SO wrong (remember the P vs. J debate?). Why do I do that?
So, I revise my position: I think I prefer to work with men, but have inspirational women leaders. I'm still a little scared of senior men in suits and shiny shoes.
Monday, August 16, 2010
the lifeblood
Since leaving the rush and hustle of school, I've become aware of the degree to which I rely on male attention. The abrupt cut in California was a hard stop, and the absence was actually physically painful. It's not so much that any of the attention was specific or particularly romantic. I dated in the spring, but I was also surrounded by dear male friends who supported, teased, and adored me.
My relationships with women are the depth of my strength, but my relationships with men are my daily bread and butter. I will go for a month or more without talking to someone who is a best friend for the ages and the next time we talk, nothing has changed. There's a depth of connection, across time, intensities, space.
Interactions with men, however, generally take a different form. They are the rise and fall of each day, the pace quicker, bob and weave, particularly where there is intrigue. Mer and I talked about this the other day--my lifeblood she said.
I worry about this, as I worry about anything I become too dependent on. I don't want you to get hurt says Liron. I don't feel at risk--I take each interaction for what it is, for this time, for this place. I feel love and appreciation and energy, but still, I worry. Because in the absence, I do feel loss; not hurt, but loss.
I have been very careful in the past months not to take male attention or affection as direction-setting for my own behavior. It has reinforced my own agency, but I think I have only been put to the test when I finally freed myself of attaching any meaning to the ex's attentions. Free and free-wheeling, suddenly the attention of other men can have real meaning. It's something I will watch closely over the next months.
My relationships with women are the depth of my strength, but my relationships with men are my daily bread and butter. I will go for a month or more without talking to someone who is a best friend for the ages and the next time we talk, nothing has changed. There's a depth of connection, across time, intensities, space.
Interactions with men, however, generally take a different form. They are the rise and fall of each day, the pace quicker, bob and weave, particularly where there is intrigue. Mer and I talked about this the other day--my lifeblood she said.
I worry about this, as I worry about anything I become too dependent on. I don't want you to get hurt says Liron. I don't feel at risk--I take each interaction for what it is, for this time, for this place. I feel love and appreciation and energy, but still, I worry. Because in the absence, I do feel loss; not hurt, but loss.
I have been very careful in the past months not to take male attention or affection as direction-setting for my own behavior. It has reinforced my own agency, but I think I have only been put to the test when I finally freed myself of attaching any meaning to the ex's attentions. Free and free-wheeling, suddenly the attention of other men can have real meaning. It's something I will watch closely over the next months.
she had so much
Current research suggests that, unlike consumption of material goods, spending on leisure and services typically strengthens social bonds, which in turn helps amplify happiness. (Academics are already in broad agreement that there is a strong correlation between the quality of people’s relationships and their happiness; hence, anything that promotes stronger social bonds has a good chance of making us feel all warm and fuzzy.)
And the creation of complex, sophisticated relationships is a rare thing in the world. As Professor Dunn and her colleagues Daniel T. Gilbert and Timothy D. Wilson point out in their forthcoming paper, only termites, naked mole rats and certain insects like ants and bees construct social networks as complex as those of human beings. In that elite little club, humans are the only ones who shop.A great couple of paragraphs from last week's widely-circulated NYT article, "But Will It Make You Happy?". My parents have always focused us on experiences--our cars weren't fancy, but we traveled the world. We lived abroad and visited friends who were also living abroad, we spent money on summer camps that were pivotal to both my brother and myself. It has made our family, especially my relationship with my brother, immeasurably closer.
This summer has been one of re-knitting connections with old friends and building networks and experiences with new ones. I'm excited to one day build that community in one place, but how lucky am I to take those individuals I find scattered--it is a rare thing indeed to find that connection.
.
Probably not something we didn't know already...but nice to be reminded (also nice to see the realization at the end that sometimes clothes DO make some people happy. I'm sorry, I just love dem; likewise, the means to build a home, be surrounded by beauty of one type or another).
a silent week
It's been a week I've last written. It was a busy busy week, wrapping things up in LA, and I think I chose action over reflection this week.
Reflections on the way home felt too gut emotional to even begin to write about. The hard stop at the end of the sprint. Bon Iver on the headphones, watching the sun shine and set over the cumulus clouds, face to the wall to hide unexplainable tears. Yet another thing ending, the time in LA.
Sunday evenings breed wistful nostalgia; Sunday evening dinners would combat this: end your week with a sink full of dishes but the embrace of those you love.
New York for the next two weeks. Maybe what they say is right: I am too coastal for this town--they keep sending me to the coasts!
This is making me really happy tonight: http://www.todaysletters.com/. Amazing.
Reflections on the way home felt too gut emotional to even begin to write about. The hard stop at the end of the sprint. Bon Iver on the headphones, watching the sun shine and set over the cumulus clouds, face to the wall to hide unexplainable tears. Yet another thing ending, the time in LA.
Sunday evenings breed wistful nostalgia; Sunday evening dinners would combat this: end your week with a sink full of dishes but the embrace of those you love.
New York for the next two weeks. Maybe what they say is right: I am too coastal for this town--they keep sending me to the coasts!
This is making me really happy tonight: http://www.todaysletters.com/. Amazing.
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