immediacy and oversharing

I had a total overshare moment last night and I woke up this morning feeling the same way I've woken up after nights when maybe I didn't make such good decisions. Both physical and emotional sharing must have boundaries.

The conversation was with a colleague...a younger, male colleague and was likely a result of a lot of things--loneliness, transitions and my need to talk right now, but also some sort of immediate connection where I just knew it was safe. The overshare mostly involved work-related motivations and goals, but stemmed from the question, "why Chicago?," one that I have yet to find a good answer to. Nothing's independent, I guess, and I have a need to tell the whole of stories; parts left out feels dishonest. Not necessarily a good tendency if you want to respect boundaries--your own and others'.

I get off on connections, particularly those that are characterized by immediacy, and I push them, taking risks to transgress some of those boundaries. My closest friendships are with those where I literally can step right back in where we left off and there are no taboo areas (though of course, always places to tread gingerly). [Interestingly, it's different in romantic relationships, especially now as I get older. That immediacy is important, but so is caution and a slight detachment, perhaps almost to a fault these days. Also there are places not to tread there. Just do not go there.] With friends, that sense of intensity and immediacy (leading to the complete and blissful state of just being your whole self) is why I've been able to maintain such good friendships with people spread all over the country and, indeed, the world. I love love love that feeling of sitting over a glass of wine and just dishing--just getting it all out there and laughing and laughing and laughing (or crying, depending).

If I think the connection is there there, I'll often throw my whole self out there--or maybe even an exaggerated version of myself, just to test. And this is why the in-person is much better than any other interaction. Because it's a real test. Phone, text, email--everything else is just slightly different.

The overshare was over gchat and gchat offers some false sense of immediacy (hence the feelings of really exposure and vulnerability upon waking when I was like uh oh...I don't even know this person, this young chappie). In typically fashion, I then shared my feelings of oversharing with the young fellow, and true to his nature and my gut feeling, he was completley reassuring, complimentary, and reciprocal. Reassurance, compliments, and reciprocation--pretty much the best thing ever. Not bad for 23 years of age.

[People, do not worry, despite the dancing, this is not going to turn romantic.]