saturday morning happy

It is far past morning, but I didn't exactly experience Saturday morning happy this week. Instead, a sort of pervasive melancholia. I'm glad to be going to the company of old, good friends tomorrow. Home-cooked food, the ladies, a bottle of wine--these are all things that are soul-refreshing, particularly as I start the new week.

These gray days are not common to me, but they are much more so when I feel alone, as I do in this city (is the hotel even more home now?). It's part of my perosnality to get pulled up and out by others and by shared experiences. I've gotten better about doing things myself--museums, movies, etc., but on gray days like this, I become paralyzed. I can't do anything and end up in a cycle of further paralyzation and subtle self-loathing (I am not one to get caught in the downward spiral, but I am never happy with myself when I spend a day like I did today).

I pulled myself up, which I think is reason enough for Saturday morning happy, but there still are other things to remember to celebrate today:

Lightning storms/city on fire, showers as a fresh start (even at 8PM), Imogen Heap, love and affection from those who are far away, tenderness in the face of adversity, knowledge of self.

I feel it now, but I must always hold it close:

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling rain & remember it is enough to be taken care of by myself.