spoiled

Though the hours are bad, I think I still am luckier than most. I fly first class, I move quickly through the airport, I stay at a luxury hotel, I eat good, fairly healthy food in a city I like and even have people around I love if I ever have time to see them.

I must remember this bounty though, since I've started noticing signs of being spoiled, even in just the few short weeks I've been working. Food is bought and wasted, or just tasted. First class becomes the norm; economy scorned. When everything is covered, you begin to not appreciate anything at all.

It is a side effect of the job and manifests in all sorts of ways. As I left work on Friday, my colleagues left a mess in the room. I inquired, they said, don't worry about it; it will be cleaned up. Yes, indeed, but by whom? Are we so privileged that we have no concern about the mess we leave? On Thursday we changed flights to take a later one and were therefore in middle seats in coach. Not a big deal (though significantly more difficult to work), but the norm of first class has already set in, and I felt a twinge directed toward my seatmates. This is not ok.

During my first days on the job, one of my colleagues was shockingly honest about what it feels like to work for the company--about how it lends a special feeling of privilege, honor, exclusivity, to know you're an employee there. A confidence or secret code that inspires your walk through office corridors or down the city street. This shocked me at the time--not so much because of the sentiment, but because he voiced it. It's completely true, of course, and is the benefit of being part of any elite organization, association, etc. The struggle is in suppressing that, to push down the entitlement, to not take the privilege for granted. I mean, it's just a job, afterall, and, in my mind, a painful one at that. Though I'm susceptible to external validation, I've worked hard in the past not to define myself by my workplace, at least not wholly (this is actually worth a whole other post).

This feeling of exception may (and I say may because I honestly don't know) be ok as long as it is kept in check. From the first day of orientation there was the decree: treat well the hotel staff, the support admin staff at the company, the airline, your fellow passengers, etc. The very fact that it has to be repeated, and repeated so often, is concerning. Does this position inspire such deep-felt privilege that you begin to expect others to bow, to serve; that you begin to expect what is not yours deserved?

I have some snobbish tendencies, but I have worked (and been worked on) my entire life to remember service and, above all, gratitude. Real, heartfelt gratitude; not the pleasantries and casual thanks. No thank you, please give me my coach seats back, please make me pay my own way. I will appreciate what is offered now, but please make it just that--appreciate, not expect or take for granted.

UPDATE: Flying Sunday gave me a whole new perspective on this. Whoa nelly, I love me that first class, priority access, etc., etc. Traveling like a normal person is stresssssssssfuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllllll.